this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
