please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
