I think I won the penis lottery.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
