yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
