Your mouth is God's brothel.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
