i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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