Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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