when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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