You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
