My room smells like vodka and shame
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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