We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
