i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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