I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
