so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
