I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
