I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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