We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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