I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I currently don't understand fingers.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize