Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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