Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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