I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
