I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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