I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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