Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
