My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
