She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
