Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
