If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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