My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
