JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize