dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
