i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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