the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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