I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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