Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
