So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
