You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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