We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
