I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
