ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
