I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
