how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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