You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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