I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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