That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
