so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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