Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
