also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
