We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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