So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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