FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
