then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
