He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
