Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
