And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.