I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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