...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.