he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome