When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted