Already got asked if we're dating
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.