I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
