I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
