Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
