RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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