Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
