Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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