This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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