This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
