Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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