he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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