Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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