She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
