Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize