How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drake has all the answers
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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