You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
