Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
